When “Doing Everything” Isn’t Always the Kindest Choice
When someone we love is near the end of their life, every decision feels like a test. In a crisis, like when your mom gets pneumonia, the instinct is to rush to emergency and “do everything possible.” We do it because we care, and because it feels like the right thing to do.
The problem is, the emergency room is not built for peace. It’s bright, noisy, and the staff are trained to save lives. That means IVs, blood draws, tests, and treatments that can cause more distress than comfort for someone frail and dying. And we all know how overcrowded and understaffed emergency departments are. Your loved one can end up spending hours there, maybe even on a stretcher in the hallway. Sometimes the kindest choice is not another trip to the hospital, but keeping them where they’re known and cared for, surrounded by familiar faces instead of chaos and fluorescent lights.
Comfort care, or palliative care, isn’t about giving up. It’s about easing suffering, respecting dignity, and letting nature take its course without turning it into a fight. These choices are hard, and families need to prepare ahead of time. That’s why I started Getting Old Ain’t for Wimps — to offer straight talk, options, and a few realistic expectations. Because Getting Old Ain’t For Wimps, but damn...... dying shouldn’t be a battle.
Knowing the terms -
“End-of-life care” is the broad umbrella term. It includes everything that happens when someone is nearing death - medical care, emotional support, spiritual care, family decisions, palliative care, hospice, and sometimes MAID.
“Palliative care” is a type of end-of-life care - it focuses specifically on comfort, dignity, and symptom management, rather than curing illness. It can start well before the very end of life.
“Comfort care” is often used interchangeably with palliative care, especially in long-term care homes or hospitals, but it tends to describe the final stage of care - when the goal is purely to keep someone comfortable, not to extend life.